The Oil Painting Substitution
by SergeantFuzzyBoots
Summary: Raj has a surprise to help Penny propose to Leonard. It might end up being more helpful than she thinks. Pairings: Leonard/Penny, Penny/Raj friendship. Rated T.


**So, this one-shot was inspired by a conversation we were having in the Snowflake Snugglers thread not long after 7.08 aired. It's rather silly (and way longer than I thought it would be!), but hopefully amusing, and Nicole threatened to terminate our friendship if I didn't write it. So here you go.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

It shouldn't have surprised Penny when the person responsible for the excited knocking at her door turned out to be Raj. A girls night of playing darts and drinking beer that resulted in Bernadette finding a velvet box containing a man's engagement ring under the waitress's couch when picking up the game pieces couldn't simply be swept under the rug. After excited squealing, questioning, and Amy inserting subtle hints about her tiara being maid-of-honour-ready, there had to be some follow up. Penny really needed to get better at hiding things.

What was truly surprising – and somewhat alarming – about the loveable foreigner's visit was the bulky, rectangular object he carried under his arm, packaged in brown paper and looking all too familiar for Penny's liking.

"Hey, Raj," she said, eyebrows slowly knitting together. "Whatcha got there?"

The astrophysicist's smile stretched wide. "Something that's going to make your proposal to Leonard kick all other marriage proposals in the ass!" he said, stepping inside. He leaned the offputting item against her couch. "I know you had some difficulty finding the right way to romance your man before, so I did all the work for you!" Raj grabbed two sides of the brown paper and pulled, revealing an oil painting portrait of a large family.

He stared at Penny expectantly, who found herself only capable of blinking rapidly.

When the silence continued, Raj gestured to the painting for more emphasis, "Ta da!"

"... I don't get it," Penny finally managed, memories of Amy's painting swirling unpleasantly in her mind.

"It's a family portrait of you and Leonard!"

Now memories of convincing Zack to sign the annulment papers were bubbling up. "We don't have a family!"

The astrophysicist nodded. "I know, so I had to get a little creative; I gave you three kids. One girl and two boys," he said, pointing out three adults in the painting. "The second boy is eight years younger than his other two siblings, showing that even after having two kids, yours and Leonard's game is still banging!" Penny's only response was to set her jaw as Raj forged on. "Your daughter is the oldest, and she looks like you, with your blonde hair and green eyes. Then the middle one looks like Leonard: dark hair, glasses. Then the youngest is a perfect blend of the two of you! Brown eyes, blonde, but curly hair – and then see that bulge in his pocket? That's his inhaler! That took a few days to get right. And then your grandchildren -"

"Whoa, whoa, okay! Hold on a sec!" Penny interrupted, holding up a hand. Her wide eyes shot back and forth between the painting and its maker. "Wh - ... _what?_"

Raj beamed down at the painting. "I know," he sighed contentedly. "Although, don't be too flattered; I've made paintings like this of all the couples in our group."

"Yeah, I'm not really flattered."

He suddenly frowned. "You're not?"

"This is so creepy!" Penny cried, unable to express her growing confusion in any other way.

"It's not creepy!" Raj protested. "I mean, how is it creepy to paint two of your friends living to a ripe old age together, surrounded by their family and the urn that contains the remains of what was once their children's dog? - In the corner," he said, pointing it out when the waitress raised her eyebrows.

"Sweetie, do you even hear the words that come out of your mouth?" Penny asked.

Raj simply rolled his eyes. "Say what you will, but this is romantic. Instead of an engagement ring that Howard and Sheldon would mock and I would insult, too, though only to mask my pain at not having one and being eternally alone, you could propose with this painting! It's unique, and what could be better than getting down on one knee with it and saying, 'This is what I want with you!'?" He grabbed the portrait and attempted to genuflect while holding it. However, the painting proved far too cumbersome to accomplish this, and he quickly abandoned the effort. He straightened up and cleared his throat. "See? So romantic."

Penny bit down on her lip as she sighed, preventing it from turning into a groan. "Look, it's very ... _sweet_ that you made this for me and Leonard, but I really doubt he'd find a painting of us when we're older – hey, why am I so big?" The Nebraskan's mouth fell open as she suddenly clued in to the fact that the elderly, plump woman in the portrait had to be her.

"Oh come on, I was just being realistic," Raj said dismissively. "I mean, it's only a matter of time, what with your lenient workout regiment." The astrophysicist took a step back when Penny's eyes narrowed. "Run to India?"

* * *

"It was still really thoughtful!"

Penny tipped her head back as she and Leonard ascended the stairs, not bothering to contain her sigh. She was getting a little tired of all her efforts at romance with Leonard ending with that statement. It had been nearly two weeks since Raj and the girls had found the engagement ring, and Raj had offered up that painting. In that time, the waitress had managed to come up with what she'd thought to be the perfect, romantic proposal. The Nebraskan had booked a room at an expensive, beach side hotel, planning for the two of them to have dinner there before going outside, walking barefoot where the water met the sand. She wouldn't have been proposing then, but the stroll on the beach was critical. While more adventurous when it came to the ocean now, Leonard still insisted on showering as soon as possible after having had any interaction with the sea – how he'd maintained that mindset and still managed to have a great time on his four month voyage, Penny would never know. In any case, the minute they reached their hotel room and Leonard hopped in the shower, the waitress would have hurriedly set to work, lighting candles, changing into a new dress, making another trail of rose petals, but including items from her memory box of their relationship like the rubber duck, the rose, the snowflake. Penny would have been waiting at the end of the trail, on the other side of the room, ready to reveal the ring she had for him. It would have swept him off his feet; it was everything romantic she could think of. Unfortunately, the hotel flooding at the last minute and cancelling all previously made reservations wasn't exactly in Penny's control.

But it felt like it was her fault. Whether it was flooding, or accidentally buying Leonard a book he already owned, or even him missing his first birthday party, none of the waitress's efforts ever seemed to come to fruition.

It was back to the drawing board, she supposed. A firm believer in signs and omens, Penny didn't think it was a good idea to try another hotel at some other time; it would push back the proposal another few weeks at least, anyway, and she didn't want to wait that long. She'd been ready tonight. She was ready now.

"We can still have a nice night," Leonard continued, still attempting to make her feel better. He began listing off possible activities such as seeing a movie, going to a club, staying in and relaxing, all of which fell flat compared to just how good the night Penny had planned for him would have been.

She sighed again, biting her lip and looking at him as they reached her door.

"What?" he asked, a puzzled frown creeping up on his face.

"Just ... there's something I wanted to ask you tonight," she said hesitantly, beginning to wring her hands.

The experimental physicist nodded, encouraging her to go on.

She sucked in a deep breath. The hallway wasn't a conventionally romantic location, but it was where they'd met, and gotten together on more than one occasion. That had to count for something. It wouldn't include flowers, but she didn't think Leonard would care. Her proposing would make him happy no matter what, with her down on one knee, revealing the ring ... the ring that was in the overnight bag she'd packed which she'd left in the car. Dammit!

Leonard's confused frown only deepened as Penny's eyes widened, her gaze flickering randomly around the hallway, as though an answer to her problem could be found written on the walls.

"Just wait here a minute!" she finally blurted out, turning to clumsily unlock her door. She quickly shut it behind her so he wouldn't follow. Penny's hands went to her hair as she stared anxiously around the apartment, not even sure why she'd come in here; it wasn't as though she had a spare engagement ring.

Not for the first time that night, the waitress's eyes bugged out as the realization hit her. Not allowing herself the time to rethink or question her new plan any further, she ran to her room and then went to her knees in front of her bed, reaching underneath and dragging out a large, rectangular object. She still wasn't convinced it would sweep her boyfriend off his feet, but the painting would certainly be ... a surprise. Leonard was cool with surprises. As long as Jumbo-Tron's weren't involved.

The experimental physicist had to jump back a few feet as Penny removed Raj's masterpiece from her apartment, still nearly hitting him with it when she turned to close the door behind her.

"What is that?" Leonard asked once he finally had a clear view of the portrait.

"This ... this is what I want with you!" she said in a rush, cringing immediately afterwards at how ridiculous this all was. She could tell she was only making him more puzzled by the whole situation, but she forged on anyway, desperately trying to salvage things. "See, this is our daughter – or daughter-in-law – no, daughter! Because she has your – _my_ eyes ... yeah, okay I didn't make this." Penny shook her head, shoving the painting aside so it stood up against the side wall. Leonard's gaze followed it. He looked completely bewildered.

"Look," she sighed. "What I'm trying to say is that ... it's you." She grabbed his hands in hers, squeezing them tightly as she continued. "It's always going to be you, no matter what happens. And I'm ready for that." She didn't break eye contact with him as she slowly lowered herself down to one knee, her eyes beginning to water as Leonard sucked in a sharp breath and bit his lip, trying to stem the flow of oncoming tears. "Leonard Hofstadter? Will you marry me?"

They both broke as the word "yes" escaped his lips, their cheeks already damp by the time he fell to his knees in front of her. They kissed for what felt like a long time before pulling back only slightly to reposition so they could hold each other.

"I love you," he said, a grin spreading across his face. "I can't believe you – I mean, I had no idea ... and the painting ..."

Penny gave a small laugh. "Yeah, Raj made that."

Leonard frowned. "He did?" He glanced over at the portrait, examining it more closely. "It's supposed to be us and our children?"

"And grandchildren," Penny said, leaning back to look, too.

"So, does that mean we have to keep it?"

"No." The waitress shook her head. "No, absolutely not."

Leonard nodded. "Good," he said before resuming their embrace.

The couple would just have to hope that Raj's excitement over their engagement would distract from their returning of the portrait. Maybe in thirty years they'd let him do another one; they might look on it more fondly when the painting depicted smart and beautiful babies that weren't imaginary.


End file.
